Hello Dear Ones,

Alienation feels okay, until it isn’t. I walk in a half world: on the outside, looking in. I want to speak, to tell someone what it’s like. It seems I only get to this place when depression has yanked the floor out from under my feet. It’s only then that the situation is dire enough, that I recognize I need help.

Of course, by then, there are no words. The silence has become absolute. Even though I feel like I must be laying, bleeding and mangled in some inner landscape, on the outside, I look okay. I look fine. I always look fine.

I want to speak my truth, but I’m terrified of the fingers of judgement, the looks and sneers that say, yes, we are all crazy, but not THAT crazy.

I struggle to come here, to place these few words that are but an echo of the mental pain I feel. I know that to heal I have to write, and to write, I have to start somewhere, as long as I start with the truth.

So I tack a grain of truth into these words and hope it’s enough to catch me before I fall.

With love,

Jane